Verlernterns Der!

Most of those who know me, and a few of those who know me well, could probably tell you that at times I can be a little cynical. For those of you who don't know me, I can be a tad bit cynical. And for those who don't know what cynical means, it essentially means that I'm not blind to the more despondent, dark side of most situations. I'm also not afraid to point out the flaws in other people's logic, and lastly, but definitely not least, I don't regularly conform to society. A lot of why I write on this blog is so I can make fun of society and the stupidity it has subjected itself to.

Pictured: stupidity

It's all rainbows and discrimination.

I like gay people, because I believe that love comes in many different shapes, sizes, and colors. Gay people, from what I've gathered from my own personal experience, are very nice, because they also believe that love is a versatile thing. Straight people suck and are mean, because they want to put love in a neat little box, have the government regulate it, and put a tax on it so you can't have/be in love without paying for it.

There's approximately 600,000 people in Tulsa (2010 census). Around 1% of all American couples are gay or lesbian. So if I take a really big leap and by-pass some basic mathematics for the sake of being lazy, I can guess that there's about 12,000 gay or lesbian people in Tulsa. I don't even know that many people. I don't even know what "12,000 people" looks like. If I were to be able to remember every single person I've ever met and ever will meet, it probably wont even be near 12,000.

If every single person who served in the armed forces of the U.S. stopped doing so, we could fill their positions twice with solely gay people, with some to spare.

There are more homosexual people in America than Native Americans.

I don't see gay people as gay people, or a minority, or someone who's doomed to spend eternity chillin' with Satan. I don't walk up to one and say "how are you today, Mr. Gay man?" or "Howdy, sinner!" If you're gay, it's part of who you are, just as much as your ethnicity, eye color, accent, etc. It's your personality. When you see "homosexuality" like this, you'll understand why I don't think it's right that people bully gay kids, or deny them basic human rights. And this is where it gets juicy.

WHAT IS LOVE? BABY DON'T HURT ME.

But seriously, in the Declaration of Independence, they were all like "dudes, you should be able to do what you want, because the Man shouldn't be able to tell us what to do! The Man's trying to keep us down!" (in my version, the founding fathers we sort of hippies.) Henceforth, America separated themselves from England and their oppression and founded America, the land of freedom and opportunity. And then suddenly, 200 years later, our very own government stomped all over the Declaration of Independence and said "lol nope, gays don't get to be happy." If we're going to do this, I think it's only fair we return Lady Liberty to the French and surrender ourselves to the British. (also, if we're a democracy, we need to change our flag, because the classic "stripes and stars" one stands for a republic.)

California's Prop. 8 officially eliminates same-sex marriage in what I grew up understanding to be the most gay state of them all.

Question time: does love make you happy? A large number of heartbroken teenagers will probably try to tell you that it'll make you miserable, but let's look at the science. Love is the biochemical reaction inside the brain that releases "love drugs" (that's normal-person talk for dopamine, norepinephrine, pheromones, and serotonin). Basically, these naturally occurring chemicals make you stupid and happy and in love. So yes, scientifically speaking, love makes you happy. Is love not, under these conditions, one of the certain inalienable rights given to you in the Declaration of Independence? Or at least, the pursuit of love. And is marriage not the furthest extent of love?

I'm calling America out on their blatant discrimination of homosexual individuals. We're denying them their God-given rights, in the same way we denied African Americans theirs. And Westboro Baptist Church the modern day Klu Klux Klan.

I know that homosexuality isn't a race, but if you're "homophobic" to any degree, I see you as being on the same level as a racist. If you hate any group of people for who they are, you're just like a racist. A love racist, in this case.

I am not talking about your religion. You can have all the religion you want. You can follow all the rules and guidelines you want. I believe that you can be gay and still be a Christian, or a Muslim, or a Buddhist, or whatever you want to be. This isn't about whether gay people go to heaven or hell. All that is is your opinion, or someone elses opinion. If you have a problem with homosexuality because of your religion, just remember that "God is love."

Think about it. Makes sense.

Late Night Drafts; Morning Confusions: part I

Last night at around three in the morning, I jolted myself from my sleep. Mind racing, I grabbed my phone and wrote down two things: "Man advice: can't get a girlfriend." and "Presidents: why?"

This morning I woke up not remembering what I'd done in the middle of the night. My memory recovered once I saw what I wrote. At least, I remembered writing things down. I don't remember why. However, lack of knowledge never stopped me from taking action! So, I'll just take these and run with them. I'll run far far away.

Manly man advice for men: can't get a girlfriend? It's probably your fault.

So, for starters, let me share a couple of little factoids about women that most people would agree are somewhat true. Firstly, girls don't like to be kept waiting. Of course, this doesn't mean they wont keep you waiting. Don't even get me started on double standards. What I'm getting at here though, is guys, don't keep a girl waiting.

It's a widely known, yet rarely acknowledged fact, that there's a null-zone somewhere between "just friends" and "more than friends" where two individuals have "feelings" for eachother, the kind of feelings that make you feel all tingly, and take your breath away, and other cliche things like that, and despite the fact that the two individuals are blatantly in lesbians with each other, neither of them can muster up the gumption to do something about it. Henceforth, they're stuck in a sort of relationship limbo. If you've ever been to a high school, you've probably seen this.

Basically, the advice is to SUCK IT UP, PRINCESS. Make a move. And if you don't, you're a pathetic excuse for a man. Take it from someone who's been there and done that. It's not a gamble if you know you're going to win.

I'd have a secondly for these facts about women, but I don't know anything else about them (and I already wrote the firstly part, and I'm too lazy to edit). So there you have it.

Some time in the near future I'll write about my "Presidents: why?" First I have to remember what I was trying to say when I jotted that down though. Lawlz.

My List

Someday, I want to marry a girl. A very special girl. So special, in fact, that I don't even know how to describe the girl that I'm looking for.

Short hair is cute, long hair is beautiful, blue eyes are pretty, brown eyes are deep, green eyes are sexy, tall is attractive, short is adorable... I know some people make like, a check list of things they look for in a significant other; I could never do that. Every time I start a check list, bam, some girl who doesn't fit at all comes in and steals my heart.

Women do that. They steal your heart. Your mind, your money, your soul... occupy your dreams... invade your priorities like a pillaging Mongol, ravage your sleep schedule like a rabid badger. Make your heart melt.

I guess, in reality, the special girl I'm looking for does all that stuff. She doesn't have to look like anything. Someone you can be crazy with. Crazy about. Crazy for. Crazy without.

There's a girl out there who'll turn your world upside down. And man, she's a keeper.

I'm back, bay-bay!

So I was laying around the other day, wasting my life eating junk food and playing video games, and having an awfully grand time doing so, when suddenly I said to myself "sick flying pickles, I've got a blog!" So I hurried the fricksticks right up my stairs to my laptop, which brings me to here. I have been feeling a severe lack of writing, and I think this'll cheer me up. (I don't know if "this'll" is a correct contraction, but I like making those up, so I amn't going to change it.)

You know, I can honestly say that I'm pretty awful at pretty much everything. I mean, I can play some instruments pretty well, but I can't read music, and I never got a grade on how fast I can play something I made up on piano. I couldn't do Biblical Exegesis because every time something had a deeper meaning I took it as literal, and vice versa. Math? Well, that's pretty much a lost cause for me. Chemistry? That's just a fancy way of saying "more math." I enjoy languages but the translations over and over and over and over bore me. Words. I love words. If there's anything I can do in this world, it's list off synonyms for pretty much any word you throw at me. And you know the sad part about all this? Last year, at school, I did awful. I was awful because they give me all these classes that I have no idea what I'm doing in, while at the same time I wrote a grand total of about four papers the whole year.

And for serious, that's probably the reason I started blogging. We all know that my good friend Matt Woods and I had a sort of blog-battle in the beginning, but I seriously just wanted to write. Writing makes me feel good. I didn't have any classes where I could let out all this compressed creativity, and frankly it was screwing with my brain. I'd start getting sarcastic on my homework answers. I remember specifically answering "beats me" and "I dunno" multiple times on my math work. There was one particular case where I flat out said "who cares about the falling velocity of this kids baseball?"

So anyways, it feels good to be writing again. Writing is my mistress, and frankly my dear, I'll never get tired of you.