Late Night Drafts; Morning Confusions: part I

Last night at around three in the morning, I jolted myself from my sleep. Mind racing, I grabbed my phone and wrote down two things: "Man advice: can't get a girlfriend." and "Presidents: why?"

This morning I woke up not remembering what I'd done in the middle of the night. My memory recovered once I saw what I wrote. At least, I remembered writing things down. I don't remember why. However, lack of knowledge never stopped me from taking action! So, I'll just take these and run with them. I'll run far far away.

Manly man advice for men: can't get a girlfriend? It's probably your fault.

So, for starters, let me share a couple of little factoids about women that most people would agree are somewhat true. Firstly, girls don't like to be kept waiting. Of course, this doesn't mean they wont keep you waiting. Don't even get me started on double standards. What I'm getting at here though, is guys, don't keep a girl waiting.

It's a widely known, yet rarely acknowledged fact, that there's a null-zone somewhere between "just friends" and "more than friends" where two individuals have "feelings" for eachother, the kind of feelings that make you feel all tingly, and take your breath away, and other cliche things like that, and despite the fact that the two individuals are blatantly in lesbians with each other, neither of them can muster up the gumption to do something about it. Henceforth, they're stuck in a sort of relationship limbo. If you've ever been to a high school, you've probably seen this.

Basically, the advice is to SUCK IT UP, PRINCESS. Make a move. And if you don't, you're a pathetic excuse for a man. Take it from someone who's been there and done that. It's not a gamble if you know you're going to win.

I'd have a secondly for these facts about women, but I don't know anything else about them (and I already wrote the firstly part, and I'm too lazy to edit). So there you have it.

Some time in the near future I'll write about my "Presidents: why?" First I have to remember what I was trying to say when I jotted that down though. Lawlz.

http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_mcooZ--4gM8/R1CNC0Mnn_I/AAAAAAAAHlM/-H6GJWgWDoI/s1600-R/grinds-my-gears1.jpg

"hey"
"Hey! What's up?"
"Not much, you?"
"Oh, you know, just hangin' out. Watching Sean Connery be awesome."
"Cool."
"Yup. So, how've you been?
"Okay."
"Just... plain old ok?"
"Yeah, just ok I guess."
"Ah, okay, I get that I guess. Sometimes it's just hard to wake up in the mornings."
"Yup."
"Yeah, I"m pretty good I guess. Got no reason to complain."
"Haha."
"What's so funny?"
"I dunno."
"Haha alright. So, what else is up?"
"Nothing really."
"Fun..."

This, people, is a real conversation I had with this chick via text. It's actually a conversation I have pretty much every day, because she wont stop texting me, and I don't have to heart to ignore her more than three times a day. This is what grinds my gears. If you are one of those people who replies with one and two word texts for apparently no reason, while I (or whomever else you're texting torturing) am struggling to keep up a decent conversation, I hope you have a good excuse. A good excuse like your arms got blown off in 'Nam and you're texting with your nose, or you're busy holding Jackie Chans hand and are extremely distracted by his incredibly youthful appearance for being over 60 years old. Please, don't text me with this crap. Try to imagine you're having a conversation face to face. Is that all you'd say to me? "Yeah, cool, yup, okay, alright, fun, haha, I dunno." For serious, people. Get it together.