Adventures in the QT parking lot

Look, lady in the nasty old SUV, if you're going to sit motionless in the parking lot at Quik Trip for more than a minute, It's more than reasonable for that guy in the small black truck to just kind of ignore you and back out of his spot. He knew you were there. He's not dumb, and he could back up enough to get out of his spot without hitting you. Therefore, I think you were a little out of line when, while he was still around fifteen feet away from you, you started honking and giving him the finger. You then proceeded to honk at him for the next twenty seconds as he left the parking lot, and I could see your lips forming some rather unsavory comments about him.

After he left, you continued to sit in that same spot, not moving. I waited and watched, and I could tell by the look on your face you just absolutely adored being cut off by me when you tried to pull into a spot. After you went into the store, I nonchalantly walked over to your car and made a few adjustments.

I hope you enjoyed the giant "you're a bad human being" I wrote in the dirt of your back window and the surprise Taco Bell Fire Sauce I squirted all over your door handle. If I had vaseline, car chalk, and saran wrap on me, it would have been way better, but sometimes you have to work with what you have.

Also, your left front tire pressure is going to be a little lower than the rest. The pressure gauge I was using to release air from it with left it at around 15 PSI. Not that that's like, a big deal or anything, but if you don't get it fixed, your tire's going to wear out faster, and then one day in the not too distant future, you're going to have really bad traction. So yeah. Take that. Greg: 1 Dumb hateful woman: 0.

Maybe next time you can put down your phone for a second and get out of the middle of the parking lot. If you'd learn how to drive like a normal, considerate human being, I wouldn't have to to this stuff to you. It's a little known fact, lady, but my name means "vigilante". The guy in that truck can sleep easy tonight knowing that the witch of a lady was thoroughly ticked off by the time I was through with her.

Also, if anybody here thinks I was wrong in doing this, there was a group of about four Hispanic gentlemen standing around a truck that had seen the whole ordeal, and they were giving me a thumbs up the whole time. Given the situation, I think I was absolutely justified in what I did. Maybe you should learn to contribute to society, strangely pugnacious woman, instead of being a giant rain cloud of suck on everyone's day.

This whole post is like one big fat rabbit trail.

I think the problem people have with classical music these days is that it takes too long to appreciate. Unlike modern music where you have the verse and the chorus, with relatively same music traveling over the first and second verses and choruses, classical music requires patience, and that you actually listen to how the different instruments blend.

Take any mainstream hip-hop or rap song, for instance. Ever since the sampler was invented in like, what, 1980? People have been able to take like, a 15 second audio clip from anything they wanted, play it over and over, and sing to it. You see this a lot in the more electronic music and hip-hop, but it's slowly becoming popularized by the alternative/indie genres as well.

The point I'm getting at is that when you're listening to music on the radio, you can get an aesthetic feel for the song in the first eight seconds, give or take a few. Classical music can change tempo as much as it wants. It might go from the saddest thing you've heard, to suddenly you're being chased by a serial killer, and then bam, you're lying naked in a forest with flecks of gold falling from the sky.

Not that I've ever experienced that feeling or anything. Have you ever wondered what it'd be like to lie naked in a forest with gold shavings raining down from the heavens? I certainly haven't. But I'm sure that if it wanted to, Classical music could make you feel like that.

The reason human beings are becoming so increasingly impatient with the world around them is because the world around them isn't making us wait for stuff as much as it used to. Text messages, wireless internet, T.V. dinners... everything is being designed to be done in minutes or less. Even our exercise and weight-loss schemes. So much, in fact, that the whole education system is being shot to pieces because of it. All around the world people are trying to find a better alternative to sitting in a classroom for eight hours a day, and then sitting at home for another like, four hours doing the same stuff you did the other eight hours earlier on in the day.

The point is that I think the whole world needs to slow its roll and calm its bits. All this million-mile-an-hour living is bad for your health.

So... yeah. The sampler's a pretty cool toy. If you wanna know about how it created about six different genres, you should check out this video.

If you just so happen to hate music, and also spend your time brooding over ways to ruin children's lives and audit ice-cream truck drivers for a living, then maybe you'd be a little more interested in seeing why the world is ruining education.

Click on those links. Learn something today. Do everyone around you a favor and use your brain.

Epic Mood-Ruining Rant, Part I

"I never understood the concept of wishing at 11:11. Your wish is going to be unfulfilled and disappointing at any other time of the day, why wait until you're about to go to sleep? I like to ruin my days early off, so I don't even have the prospect of being happy. The prospect of being happy is just about as disappointing as the fact that your wishes wont come true 99% of the time, because the chance of you being happy is equally low." To be continued...

11/11/11 11:11 is coming. Brace yourselves for the Facebook status', the Twitter updates, and the teenage girls sending you texts reminding you to wish.

#bandnameeuphemisms

Sometime in June of this year, my brother, parents, and I were driving through the desert towards Las Vegas, Nevada, from Kingston, Arizona. It was about a three hour trip, and understandably, my brother and I got pretty bored sitting in the back seat. Like most teenagers, we turned to our phones for entertainment. Nobody was texting really, since it was about five in the morning, but Twitter came running to my rescue. I decided that to entertain myself I'd tweet all the band names I could think of that could be taken as a euphemism (if you don't know what that is, it's a dirty joke). This is what I came up with.

*warning: maturity levels may be tested*

Passion Pit

Enya

The Strokes

Explosions in the Sky

Big Smith

Rammstein

Flogging Molly

Finger 11

Blue Man Group

In response, my brother came up with these.

Notorious B.I.G

Bob Marley and the Wailers

The Flaming Lips

Third Eye Blind

M.C. Hammer

Doug E. Phresh and Slick Rick

Bang Camaro

If you're a fan of funny tweets, you should follow me (IncredibleGreg) or my brother Doug (McDouggery). Each tweet is like a tiny, condensed blog, if you want to see it that way.

Sometimes...

Sometimes I feel like I can't make fun of politics because it'd be too easy.

Sometimes I feel like if llamas controlled everything, the world would be a better place.

Sometimes I get the feeling that women have a strange complex within themselves that force them to go after dudes who are obviously a lollapalooza of suck-fest-ness.

Sometimes at night I think something, then stop myself and say "no, that's retarded."

Sometimes I watch movies with subtitles in different languages.

Sometimes, when I hear "wish upon a star," I like to imagine some little alien wishing upon Earth from someplace far away.

Sometimes, when I go to social events and I notice people sitting off by themselves, reading or texting, I make fun of them, even though I'm sitting off alone making fun of people.

Sometimes I make random noises.

Sometimes I listen to Christmas music in the Summer.

Sometimes I intentionally put myself in a bad mood for no good reason.

Sometimes when I'm bored I talk to myself.

Sometimes when I'm walking around I skip just to weird people out.

Sometimes I make random lists about stuff.

Sometimes I feel inspired to do something, but waste it on some worthless piece of turd idea.

Sometimes I'm overly suspicious about other people's motives.

Sometimes I try to imagine what it'd be like if I wasn't alive, but it just hurts my brain, because if I wasn't alive I couldn't be thinking about being alive because I wouldn't know what being alive was like, and then *blam brain-a-splode*.

Sometimes when I concentrate I make funny faces.

Sometimes when I'm hyper I get shifty eyes.

Sometimes I can type like, 100 words a minute.

Sometimes I get fed up with the rules of society, which makes me want to study them so I can learn about how much they suck, just to justify my hating them.

Sometimes I'll spend up to an hour on Wikipedia clicking link after link learning as much as I can.

Sometimes I think it'd be fun to do something illegal.

Sometimes when people analyze everything I do it makes me hate them.

Sometimes all I feel like I need to be happy in this world is a good hug.
Sometimes I rhyme just because I can.

http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_mcooZ--4gM8/R1CNC0Mnn_I/AAAAAAAAHlM/-H6GJWgWDoI/s1600-R/grinds-my-gears1.jpg

"hey"
"Hey! What's up?"
"Not much, you?"
"Oh, you know, just hangin' out. Watching Sean Connery be awesome."
"Cool."
"Yup. So, how've you been?
"Okay."
"Just... plain old ok?"
"Yeah, just ok I guess."
"Ah, okay, I get that I guess. Sometimes it's just hard to wake up in the mornings."
"Yup."
"Yeah, I"m pretty good I guess. Got no reason to complain."
"Haha."
"What's so funny?"
"I dunno."
"Haha alright. So, what else is up?"
"Nothing really."
"Fun..."

This, people, is a real conversation I had with this chick via text. It's actually a conversation I have pretty much every day, because she wont stop texting me, and I don't have to heart to ignore her more than three times a day. This is what grinds my gears. If you are one of those people who replies with one and two word texts for apparently no reason, while I (or whomever else you're texting torturing) am struggling to keep up a decent conversation, I hope you have a good excuse. A good excuse like your arms got blown off in 'Nam and you're texting with your nose, or you're busy holding Jackie Chans hand and are extremely distracted by his incredibly youthful appearance for being over 60 years old. Please, don't text me with this crap. Try to imagine you're having a conversation face to face. Is that all you'd say to me? "Yeah, cool, yup, okay, alright, fun, haha, I dunno." For serious, people. Get it together.