Verlernterns Der!

Most of those who know me, and a few of those who know me well, could probably tell you that at times I can be a little cynical. For those of you who don't know me, I can be a tad bit cynical. And for those who don't know what cynical means, it essentially means that I'm not blind to the more despondent, dark side of most situations. I'm also not afraid to point out the flaws in other people's logic, and lastly, but definitely not least, I don't regularly conform to society. A lot of why I write on this blog is so I can make fun of society and the stupidity it has subjected itself to.

Pictured: stupidity

However, despite the fact that being cynical can be really fun, I do occasionally enjoy being a kind human being and catering to the needs of others. So, on that note, I'd like to talk to you a little bit about Valentines Day.

Like a lot of holidays we celebrate now, Valentines Day has roots in the early Church and are a commemoration of the works of a saint. I could probably wax eloquently about how commercialism and consumption have monopolized these great traditions and made them into nothing more than a money-making scheme set in place by brobdingnagian corporations and are diluting our society and making us culturally stale, but I wont. Instead, I'm going to focus on the positive.

Part of the reason Valentines Day is associated with love and romance was because, as the story goes, Saint Valentinus was once imprisoned in Rome for performing marriage ceremonies for Christian couples (side note: I find it ironic that Christians once had to fight for the right to marry, and now in this day and age are fighting against human-rights groups for equality in marriage). While he was imprisoned, he healed his jailer's daughter (theoretically she was there for "Bring your ill daughter to work day."). He was executed soon after, but before his decapitation he sent a letter to her that said "From your Valentine." Then, around the 15th century when the big thing was courtship, lover-boys started sending "Valentines" to the object of their affection.

And that's the sparknotes'd version of the history of Valentines Day.

Now, the positive side of having Valentines Day be a national "Man up and get a girlfriend" day is pretty much just that. It gives young people an excuse to get off their lazy butts and do something about all those lovely, wonderful hormones they have inside their pre-pubescent bodies. It's kind of like prom, when you finally got up the nerve to ask out that super attractive girl. I never went to prom, so I never had that experience. That's probably part of the reason I still can't talk to attractive ladies. Uh, anyways... now that you know more about me than you probably ever wanted to, I'd just like to encourage all you young whipper-snappers to go out there and follow your heart. So long as your heart doesn't tell you to do anything stupid. In that case, don't follow it.

And try not to eat too many of those heart-shaped antacid things.

I hope you all have a wonderful Valentines day. Enjoy the time you have with the people you care about and that care about you, and if nobody loves you, enjoy the time you have all to yourself; just you and your two best friends, Ben and Jerry.

I was originally going to write something about how there are pretty much just two types of people who celebrate Valentines Day, which are the people who go love-crazy about it and eat lots of chocolate and make a big deal, or the people who are the negative-celebrators; the ones who do nothing but complain about the first group of people and don't care about the holiday at all. However, The Oatmeal already did that.. Thanks for nothing, Matt. (Just kidding, I love you Mr. Inman.)