Do Better

Conservative friends: if you use the way someone looks physically as some sort of argument against their cause, you make yourself look bad. Not on the outside, like what you're laughing at them for, but like, as a person. Which is worse. I wish I could say this is something I don't ever see, but sadly, it is. Doubly so, I see it quite frequently, especially targeted towards women at the women's march. I can't defend someone wearing a giant vagina costume, but really? You're going to make fun of them because they're fat? Despicable. Seriously, cut it out, because it makes you look childish. Stop judging people because of their looks entirely, actually, and you'll be better off as a human being. Also as a bonus, I can't count on both hands and feet how many times I've heard or seen Michelle Obama, the First Lady, referred to as manly, masculine, or the shockingly racist "ape-like." Nice. Not even subtle. Just going with the full racism there on that one.

Don't forget that your new First Lady has actual nude photos out on the internet somewhere. Of course, we both know you're still going to call her classy while you would never in a million years don Mrs. Obama with that term. Maybe after that you can yuck it up with your Conservative friends about how you're glad Mrs. Obama never had any nude photos taken because you're literally gagging at the thought, and you can hardy-har-har until your shame and guilt of being a terrible person is shoved back into the basement of your soul, where you've kept it locked up since 1982.

As a matter of fact, I see a lot of childish behavior coming from the same people who like to laugh at the "participation trophy" generation, full of Precious Snowflakes™ who can only survive because they're so cuddled. First and foremost, generalizations like this are disgusting. Secondly, they're unfounded and misleading (with some exception; did you see that dude screaming and crying at the inauguration? What a freakin' baby). Anyways, I think it'd probably do you some good to do some introspection about the things you get offended about before you bully make fun of someone else.

Don't make jokes about dropping Middle Eastern people out of airplanes back to where they came from (Talibanistan was a rather creative one I heard), don't make jokes about people of African descent resembling monkeys, and if I ever hear someone use the word "chinky" to describe an Asian person I might actually punch you. All three of those things I've heard Conservatives say. If anything here applies to you, do better.
Liberal friends: you can't assume that just because someone disagrees with you it's only because they're ignorant or just plain stupid. You know why, right? It's because that would be ignorant and stupid of you to do. I know that it's especially easy if you grew up conservative to suddenly be on the "enlightened" side and feel somehow intellectually superior because, like, those old white people just don't get it. Unfortunately, you don't actually gain any IQ points just because you now resent your parents and upbringing and got a (bad) tattoo. Also, you don't get to re-define words to accommodate how you want them to be used. Double also, the "rights" that Conservatives love so much are God-given, not government given, which is why there's no such thing as a right to health-care, or a right to free food, or something extra silly like a right to a safe space where you don't have to listen to people who say crazy, mean, or racist things. The only reason Trump is scary as The Leader of the Free World™ is because we have given power to The Government™ and now he's in charge of that same power. Stop giving absolutely bonkers amounts of power to the government, and instead of him being an extremely powerful offensive person, he's only an extremely rich offensive person. Still very, very offensive, but with less influence. I won't say you brought this upon yourselves, but I will say you played an integral part in increasing the far-reaching hand of The Man™. This is an Undeniable Fact™, which is also true of your Conservative Cohorts™.

Mansplaining is obnoxious. Whitesplaining is obnoxious. Liberalsplaining™ is obnoxious. You probably see a pattern here: don't be patronizing. I personally was banned from a Liberal Facebook page for being a White Male™ and asserting that we shouldn't judge people based off of appearances (strangely also the same thing I'm telling Conservatives to not do. It's almost like the two are more similar than they think). Ironic, right? However, I'm Caucasian, and therefore nothing I say matters. I was also told that the only place I'm "native" to as a white person is the Caucasus mountains, which is laughably inaccurate, but I digress. In the real world, we call this a non-starter, but apparently it's Liberal Justice™ to insult someone based off of the color of their skin. I don't know what it's like to be a person of color, so I don't have to right to say it's not okay to judge people based off of superficial traits. Ah dang it, I'm doing it again. I really need to check My Privilege™. Oops. Anyways, if anything here applies to you, do better.