Then, out of nowhere, a wild group of feminists appears! "That woman isn't fat, she's 'curvy.'"
Every day I get on the internet, and there's sidebar ads telling me that there's some secret tip to getting a flat belly, or that if I eat their magical fruit from Africa, I'll lose all that "stubborn belly fat," and they call it stubborn, as if everyone out there has been trying forever to lose weight. Every other page there's an ad telling me to get six pack abs. They also want me to find out if Justin Bieber is my soul mate, but that's not the point.
Then, men catch onto the trend. They start announcing that they want a "real woman" with "real curves," as if these tiny women aren't real.
Next, larger women start to protest the smaller, Cosmopolitan, "perfect body" women. A female blogger for xojane.com requests for larger women to post photos of them in their "fatkini's." (I know that Weekly World News is less reliable than The Onion, but the story is legit. You can research it yourself.)
People on the internet start joining the movement. Pictures like this one are uploaded:
Smaller women start feeling attacked because of their body type. The tables have turned.
And of course, me and most of the rest of the male gender are left sitting at home going "lul wut?"
And "lul wut" is what I say. Some people are born smaller than others, and vice versa. Magazines and television will probably continue to push their tiny woman agenda, and other people will probably keep trying to make them look evil and push their "curvy women are more beautiful" agenda, and women everywhere will probably blame it on men, and the government will probably call it "the war on women" because if they call it a war people will throw their money at it to support their cause, and I'll probably still be over there on the side saying "lul wut."
Awhile back I wrote a blog entry concerning women and their bodies, and it was witty and filled with all kinds of informative, scientific data that frankly, every guy I asked got a laugh out of. The girls, party-poopers that they are, thought it was sexist of me to tell them that yes, there is science in attraction, and that different guys like different things when it comes to women. I think it was really Sir Mix-A-Lot and his love for large behinds that got me in trouble. I think they misunderstood the intention of me posting his hilarious, catchy, crude, and thought-provoking song. (I say it's thought provoking because it makes me think about why some girls feel the need to criticize other women based on their body types. I thought girls were supposed to stick together, or something.)
While yes, he does love women who are indeed of a "curvy" nature, there's more to the song than "I like big butts and I cannot lie." Henceforth, here are the words of the great poet Sir Mix-A-Lot.
"Well Cosmo says you're fat, and I ain't down with that, 'cause your waist is small and your curves are kickin'.
See, he was simply standing up for women of all shapes and sizes. Which is probably what more women should do, too, but instead they have to argue and bicker about which is more beautiful, when they can't open their eyes and realize that they're all beautiful, even if not every single person on Earth thinks so.
Until then, I'll be here, watching from the outside as it all falls to pieces and more and more women of ALL (yes that's right, I said all. I'll say it again. ALL) sizes feel demoralized because of their bodies.
Lul wut.
