The punchline is out of this world.

"Man, I sure wish I had payed attention in Californian geography class." The names of every significant city in that state seemed to somehow escape me. Three open-ended and three direct questions was what I was allotted, and I only had an open-ended question left. Trying my best to not get frustrated with my looming, inevitable loss, I recalled all the information I had gathered up to this point. "He's a place. A sunny place. And the people there are nice? That doesn't really help me at all. I know that he's in California, though. West coast, like he said." I couldn't think of a question that would help me in the slightest; I know next to nothing about Californian cities. This was supposed to be an exercise in asking good questions and getting information, but I was doing abysmally. Finally, desperate, I decided on "can you tell me what's around you?" I didn't know how this would help me, either, but it was the best I could do.

You know what they say about assuming, officer.

The sound of tires rolling across the street sounded like waves rolling on and off the beach. Lost in thoughts of another place and time, I turned the corner of 11th and Garnett, heading south. My 1990 Toyota Camry softly vibrating as I accelerated.  I squinted my eyes at the seemingly blinding bright street lights and yawned; it couldn't have been much later than midnight, but constantly running from place to place can wear a guy out. I hadn't even had time to take my car into a mechanic to have the tail lights looked at, which still hadn't been replaced since the last time I had an encounter with the police, which involved a very awkward confrontation with the sheriff and a pocket knife.

Get Outta Town, Gandhi

"Live as if you were to die tomorrow." - Mahatma Gandhi.

Honey Boo Boo and America

When Honey Boo Boo and some of her family went to a burger joint in Florida, they caused a big commotion, considering they're rather famous. Since they felt bad about how much trouble they inadvertently caused, they borrowed a jar and encouraged people coming up to them to leave tips, which they then donated to a charity that raises awareness about cyber bullying.

The Best Spam

Awhile back I wrote one of my random posts about how sometimes your first impressions are incredibly and horrendously incorrect, and it was called Radiohead, Donkey Kong, and Mashed Potatoes. Ever since I wrote it, I've received a comparatively large number of spam comments, most of which are really weird, as is most spam. I'm guessing that for the most part they were not written by someone who spoke English fluently. However, there are some with surprisingly good grammar. The most striking thing about them though, is that they're actually really good spam. I mean, as far as spam goes at least; no spam is truly good in my eyes, as it is still spam. But it's still the best spam I've ever read though. The spam de la spam, if you will.

Blessings in Disguise

Journal entry, 7/12/13

Short post: The Little Vampire

Earlier I saw a young girl breathing onto a spoon and placing it onto her nose so it dangled in front of her mouth, and she was trying to get her moms attention. "Mom. Mom. Mom. Mom look. Look mom. Mom. Dude mom look. Mom. I'm a vampire. Mom."

"... I'm a vampire."

You may not have gotten your moms attention, but you got mine.

My Trip To the Vet

Sitting in the back seat always made me feel like a kid again. It reminded me of the long trips my family used to take together to Missouri, or when my oldest sisters moved out, to Florida and Georgia. I could stare out the window for hours without getting bored, with the scenery always changing; I'd try to chase one tree with my eyes for as long as possible before it went out of view, then find another one and do it again and again until my eyes hurt. I'd do it all the way there and all the way back. I had the same routine every time we returned from a trip, too. I'd carry as much of my own belongings into my house and then immediately go out looking for my cats. We'd leave a large pan of cat food out and have a neighbor fill up a bowl of water. I had four at the time; Kit-Kat, Paws, Pumpkin, and Jazzy.

Ugh.

Sometimes, the internet is a wonderful place where you can learn endlessly and expand your mind and enjoy the social networks and etc. etc. The rest of the time, it's a weird, messed up place and all you can do is sit at your computer making a face of disgust, which can only really be summed up by the onomatopoeia "ugh." Not the "ugh, I'm so tired" kind of ugh, but the "ugh, that's really gross but I can't look away."

I found an image awhile back and it stuck out to me. I'm not entirely sure why, but I found it absolutely hilarious and somewhat relate-able. I don't know who made this image, but I wish I did so I could pop out my Heelys and cruise on down to wherever they are and personally shake their hand, or give them a hug. My current favorite picture is nothing more than a man created in MS Paint, but he has so much expression. I'm seriously in love with this image.

The longer you look, the funnier it gets.

I'm a Trendy Wendy, You're an Uncool Raul.

Society changes fads like a girl changes clothes. One year you're so in style that Calvin Klein is trying to get your opinion about his unmentionables, and the next everyone thinks you're more square than a GameCube, which will inevitably be back in fashion in a decade and a half anyways (or, more round than a record, which is vintage and "in").

Drugs are also a trend, I guess. A trend that doesn't end ever.

Verlernterns Der!

Most of those who know me, and a few of those who know me well, could probably tell you that at times I can be a little cynical. For those of you who don't know me, I can be a tad bit cynical. And for those who don't know what cynical means, it essentially means that I'm not blind to the more despondent, dark side of most situations. I'm also not afraid to point out the flaws in other people's logic, and lastly, but definitely not least, I don't regularly conform to society. A lot of why I write on this blog is so I can make fun of society and the stupidity it has subjected itself to.

Pictured: stupidity

I can wait.

In a world filled with phones that communicate faster than the speed of a speeding speedy speeder, internet that almost instantly connects you to people across the globe so you can call them a noob, and all these other robots that process information more efficiently than the human brain, to the point that we can barely comprehend how fast the information is actually being processed, it's no wonder that the kids these days can't maintain concentration long enough to microwave a chicken pot pie, and you get the bird for making some middle aged Caucasian decelerate his just-off-the-lot Suburban by five miles an hour.

Hey, I'm trying to guzzle gas here! Can't a man ruin the environment in peace?

The Cost of Freedom

"We the people of the United States, in order to form a more perfect Union, establish justice, insure domestic tranquility, provide for the common defense, promote the general welfare, and secure the blessings of liberty to ourselves and our posterity, do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States of America." - Preamble to the United States Constitution.

America is not a utopia. There is no such thing as a perfect society. People will always do bad things for various reasons. The first documented account of violence was between the third and fourth individuals to ever even walk the earth, when Cain killed his brother Abel.

Radiohead, Donkey Kong, and Mashed Potatoes

There are some things in this world you won't be able to appreciate as much as you could until you learn about their past. Whether it be history, music, or another individual, there are some things that wont perk your interest until you possess more than a basic knowledge about them.