I... am an artist.

I was recently posed with a few perplexing questions, with which I thought about thoroughly for maybe five minutes, and then had an epiphany. Thinking is pointless; writing is pointy.

Who/what is your muse?
The straightforward answer would be basically anyone who reads my blurbs. I'm like a vicious black hole, sustaining my suck-filled life with your comments, ratings, subscriptions, etc. I get a high when I see that someone commented on a post of mine. If I was a hobo, I'd probably die of hunger, because I'd stand out on a corner with a sign that said "PLZ RATE/COMMENT."

What inspires you to write?
Let me first inquire of you: do you know what it feels like to have a purple elephant sit on your head? Of course you don't. You crazy, Gary Busey. What does all this have to do with writing? Everything. Writing is like a portal to another dimension, except without all the science nerds chasing after you and government conspiracy theorists theorizing conspiracies about the government. Once my literature teacher told me that people have a tendency to cut off their corner of the world and stay there. Literature makes people leave their little box. It's possibilties are infinite, and I'm in control of it. It's like playing God, but with words instead of lives.

Why the vim and vinegar?
I can only assume that this question is directed at the little bite I add into my writing. Cynicism and sarcasm, you see, are two of my favorite words. Nostalgia is another one, but at the present time, is irrelevent. Not only are the two aforementioned words entertaining to read, but they're a whole lot of fun to write. For instance, nobody wants to read about something great Obama has done, unless in that same blurb they poke fun at some of the ridiculous claims made against him. I'm sorry Mr. President, but you're the laughing stock of the world. People like to see the bad in others (cynicism) and people like to make fun of you in an indirect manner (sarcasm). Cynicism is an art, and I am an artist.

I encourage any perspective readers to come up with their own answers. You could even blog about them, and post a link in the comments. Yes... post in the comments... *evil cackle* (This means you, Matt. Blog it up.)