I Wrote About Cursing Without Cursing Once. That's Impressive.

Lets be honest here. If you tell people you can't say frick because it's a substitute for the F word, you might as well tell them they can't say butt because it's another word for the A word. Or they can't say penis because there are words out there that are deemed unacceptable to say in public by society that mean the same thing.

Let me take you on an etymological journey.

Way back in ancient times, people spoke other languages. One of these languages was Latin. If you know anything about anything ever, you probably know that Latin was the root language for what are commonly referred to as the "romance languages." No, the romance languages are not languages you use to romance pretty ladies. They refer to languages such as Spanish, German, French, Italian, English, Portuguese, Romanian, and a handful of others that have roots in Latin.

For instance, Buena is Latin for good, bueno is Spansh for good, bene is good in Italian, etc. As you can see there is a physical spelling similarity. We derive words such as beneficial and benefactor from the Latin word good.

Now, have you ever heard someone refer to modern day curse words as "vulgar?" If you have vulgar language, as define by society today, you probably get slapped a lot.

The word vulgar though, actually comes from the Latin word "vulgaris," which means, "the general public."

Long ago, there weren't any Bibles written in English or French or whatever language you happened to be speaking at this undisclosed time period. So some people decided to write some "Vulgate Bibles." Don't ask me to get specific with this History stuff. As far as I'm concerned Gandhi wrote the Vulgate Bible. Go do some of your own research, lazy. What do I look like to you, Wikipedia?

I promise to the good God above, if any of you go complaining that I called the Bible vulgar, I will go into a fit of unquenchable nerd rage.

The Vulgate Bible was written in a language that everybody could understand, so that way people wouldn't have to listen to some boring priest tell his version of the Bible instead of reading it for themselves.

What I'm getting at here is that when people use "vulgar" language, they're using language that the common man understands.

So this, for instance, is not "vulgar": "Salutations, my amiable acquaintance! On account of the ominous fulminations overhead I think it best we remove ourselves from this large, open plain, lest we become the victim of precipitation!"

This however, is "vulgar": "Hey man, we should probably head inside, it looks like rain."

One day I suspect there will be new slang that's a public no-no to say, and all all the kids are going to be running around saying "f*** this applesauce s***, get me a ************* corndog, mom!" and people won't think anymore about it than they do when we say "screw Burger King, it tastes like crap, get me a dang McGriddle!" right now.

Times change. Holding onto tradition never hurt anybody, but if you refuse to move forward with the changing times, you'll do just that; you wont move forward. You're either with society, behind society, or ahead of society. If you're behind you're outdated, if you're ahead you're an outcast, and if you're with it you're with it you're a conformist. There really is no winning.

My Thoughts on Marijuana

I had to write a short speech concerning a debatable topic recently, and I wanted to share it with you guys. So there.

Inscribed on the stone of the temple of Apollo in the city of Delphi are the words “nothing in excess” and “know thyself.” While being applicable to pretty much anyone in any situation, I think in the modern world, with currently 15 states having legalized marijuana, it is suited perfectly for the growing availability of addictive drugs.

Former Surgeon General Joycelyn Elders calls for it's legilazation on CNN, saying "It's not a toxic substance." She wasn't necessarily saying that it has no side-effects, but that the ones that do exist aren't typically life threatening. It's nearly impossible to overdose on marijuana. It would take over 8000 joints (marijuana cigarettes) to overdose on marijuana, and even if someone was trying, they would pass out before they got there. According to a study done by the U.S. Government, a grand total of zero people died from marijuana in 2007. The CDC has reported that marijuana, as an underlying cause, caused 26 deaths between 1999 and 2007.

According to the Campaign for Tobacco Free Kids, approximately 400,000 people die annualy from their own smoking, with another 50,000 from second hand smoke. That's over 1000 deaths daily, related directly to smoking tobacco.

The reason there is such a drastic difference between the death toll for tobacco and marijuana is actually due to chemicals used to grow the plants. Both are natural substances, but while tobacco is typically grown with pesticides, herbicides, and other chemicals to help with crop production, high quality marijuana is typically grown chemical free. After harvesting, tobacco is mixed with even more harmful substances such as tar and other fillers that cause cancer when burned and inhaled. Marijuana is left in it's natural state after being picked and smoked as is.

Marijuana is also known to have medicinal properties. It is used to treat chronic illnesses, arthritis, headaches and migraines, etc. throughout the United States and many countries world wide.

I believe that due to the aforementioned reasons and statistics, marijuana should be legalized in all States for medicinal purposes.

Because I Can

Do you ever notice random stuff? I do. It's what I do best really. The manager who's worked at my work for like, three years didn't notice that one of the signs was upside down, but I did in like, a week.

But anyways, Mac Miller totally re-used this beat made by The Blow in their song "True Affection."

The house in Disney/Pixar's UP totally reminds me of the house in this video, because of it's crazy colors and because of it's surroundings (she's even being kicked out 'cause they're trying to build stuff there. Story stealers much?).

I'm also pretty sure Riot Games stole this character for their MMO "League of Legends" from the movie Return of the Living Dead, a B-rated 80's horror film. I'm not including a link for the other picture 'cause she's all naked and stuff, but if you really want to go Google "naked blue girl from Return of the Living Dead," go right ahead. And by the way, for an 80's horror film, it had some crazy good animatronics, and it's totally one of my favorites now.

Please tell me you notice this crap too.

Society's Got Me Shaking My Head Once Again.

Please, before reading further, click on this link.

With that being said, let me tell you why.

At a conference in Baltimore last week, a group of psychologists and mental health professionals decided that "that "minor-attracted" individuals are largely misunderstood and should not be criminalized."

"Minor-attracted" is code for "nasty old pedophile."

That's right folks, society has made yet another leap downwards.

The psychologists and mental health professionals that are saying this, or as I'll be referring to them from now on, the psychos and mental people, think that pedophiles should have their say in how society views them, and should be able to change how pedophilia is defined in the DSM, or the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders by the American Psych Association.

In my mind, that sounds a little bit like saying "hey, crazy menace to society, why don't you change around how we define "menace to society" so that you and your pedophile friends can run around freely.

Are we going to let murderers define murder now? "I know I stabbed him in the head eight times, but he was homeless, and section 6 of the Psychotic Murderer Handbook Pocket Edition says it's okay to kill hobo's and bums, so it doesn't really matter." This, of course, is an equivocation, but you get my point.

Individuals at the conference who were using their brains were like, "you know, this kind of seems like a sham to make kids accessible to adults." One Professor even said "Oh, they're very clear about that. Their goal is to take all shame out of the lust for children."

If anything, I think society should listen to Jerry LaVigne Jr.

So there you have it;

Pictures: a How-Not-To

Sometimes when I'm carousing through the frivolity and stupidity of Facebook, soaking it all in until I become inebriated with enough disgust to stop, I find myself browsing through some girls photo album devoted to pictures of themselves and stuff they've done, named something like "summerrrrrr :))) <3" or maybe some snippet of obscure lyricism. Most of the pictures don't phase me. I've seen the duck face, and I've seen the pretty girl "lets hold each-others hips and lean out while tilting our heads way too much," and I've seen the mirror self portrait with the "I'm trying to make it seem like I'm displeased with my appearance by making a distorted face" twist, and even more numerous so I've seen the reassuring train of "cute! :)" and "hot dang!"

I'm an observant person. Don't judge me.

But something that always catches me off guard is this picture that some third party took of girl one (and perhaps her sassy counterpart, girl two, and boy-crazy girl three) from behind with their necks straining to even make eye contact with the camera.

Lets be honest here girls. Why are you taking pictures of your bootays?

When I see this I think to myself the dialogue that might have been going on that night while you and your friends were taking these pictures.

Girl 1: "Hey, wanna take like, two hundred pictures of ourselves, upload the twenty that we decide we don't like ugly in, post them on Facebook with captions like "Oh God, we're so ugly!" and comment "plzz delete this!" even though we totally agreed to upload them?

Girl 2: "Hay gurl hay fo sho you know that's how we DOOOOO!"

Girl 3: "Only if I get to stick my tongue out in half of them! Guys love tongues!"

*all three* "Woo hoo!"

Girl 2: "Hecks to the yes! What kind you wanna take first girlfrans?"

Girl 1: "I think we should like, all stand in a row and like, lean in and like, make duck faces."
Girl 3: "I bet the guys are gonna love our duck faces!"

Girl 1: "This is fun! Next lets all turn around and make crazy faces even though the purpose of the picture is to show off our totally hawt jeans!"

Girl 3: "Guys do love hawt jeans! Especially on us!"

*all three giggle*

Girl 2: "Oooh girls I hope you brought you low cut shirts, I'm mo' def' feelin' some pictures of us laying on the ground so we can show the world our cleavage! Mmhmm!"

Girl 1: "Deal, but like, lets finish these pictures of our butts first, I wanna get these pants off, they're like, four sizes too small!"

Girl 3: "Guys love small pants!"

This is a dramaticized re-telling, of course. For the sake of the reader I made it painfully obvious what was going on. Even in my wildest, saddest dreams nobody says this stuff (out loud (I hope)).

What I'm trying to say is you look ridiculous. Stop it. I could probably just totally ignore all the stuff in the world that bugs me, and I'm sure there's some girl out there going "Oh em gee, if he doesn't like it he can just not look at it." Lets be honest here. I'm trying to help you. These pictures are like a giant cliffhanger creeping out of the nostril of your existence. I'd be a bad person not to inform you. There's a better way to show off your body, and it doesn't involve the internet in any way. Go out to a party. Wear trashy shorts. I don't care. At least you can tell when some creepsack scumtrash nastybag old man is checking you out IRL.

Yeah, think about that one for awhile. I'm just trying to keep you safe.

And one last thing. Any girl I see doing a duck-face automatically triggers a subconscious reaction that replaces their lovely little head with this:

I hope you all know that in my mind, you're Steven Tyler.

Good day to you all.

Sometimes...

Sometimes I feel like I can't make fun of politics because it'd be too easy.

Sometimes I feel like if llamas controlled everything, the world would be a better place.

Sometimes I get the feeling that women have a strange complex within themselves that force them to go after dudes who are obviously a lollapalooza of suck-fest-ness.

Sometimes at night I think something, then stop myself and say "no, that's retarded."

Sometimes I watch movies with subtitles in different languages.

Sometimes, when I hear "wish upon a star," I like to imagine some little alien wishing upon Earth from someplace far away.

Sometimes, when I go to social events and I notice people sitting off by themselves, reading or texting, I make fun of them, even though I'm sitting off alone making fun of people.

Sometimes I make random noises.

Sometimes I listen to Christmas music in the Summer.

Sometimes I intentionally put myself in a bad mood for no good reason.

Sometimes when I'm bored I talk to myself.

Sometimes when I'm walking around I skip just to weird people out.

Sometimes I make random lists about stuff.

Sometimes I feel inspired to do something, but waste it on some worthless piece of turd idea.

Sometimes I'm overly suspicious about other people's motives.

Sometimes I try to imagine what it'd be like if I wasn't alive, but it just hurts my brain, because if I wasn't alive I couldn't be thinking about being alive because I wouldn't know what being alive was like, and then *blam brain-a-splode*.

Sometimes when I concentrate I make funny faces.

Sometimes when I'm hyper I get shifty eyes.

Sometimes I can type like, 100 words a minute.

Sometimes I get fed up with the rules of society, which makes me want to study them so I can learn about how much they suck, just to justify my hating them.

Sometimes I'll spend up to an hour on Wikipedia clicking link after link learning as much as I can.

Sometimes I think it'd be fun to do something illegal.

Sometimes when people analyze everything I do it makes me hate them.

Sometimes all I feel like I need to be happy in this world is a good hug.
Sometimes I rhyme just because I can.

Expanding Your Musical Horizons

Every now and then you find something you really enjoy, and you feel the need to share it with the world. That's been happening to me a lot recently, particularly with incredibly good yet underrated songs and artists. A lot of Indie genre stuff doesn't go far in the musical ocean because their target demographic is hipsters and people who actually listen to Indie music. I think that's a real shame.

So I invite you to go forth and experience the overwhelming sea of unheard genius. Envelop yourself, develop your taste for the sound that makes the world spin around. Let me introduce you to some of these up and coming young bloods. Go forth and listen.

Mansions on the Moon

Freelance Whales

Wax Tailor

Right Away, Great Captain!

Macklemore