The Halloween Issue

Many people love the Fall season. The leaves are changing, you can wear a scarf without looking like a pretentious hipster, and for me, there's a holiday which is really a huge facade for scaring the crap out of little kids and gorging myself on fun size Butterfingers and Runts. But only the banana Runts. Everyone knows the banana ones are the best.

However, coming from a Christian home my parents never let me go trick or treating as a kid because apparently participating in this holiday was Satan worship and I was going to burn in hell for being a rebellious heathen.

Or something like that.

Pictured: the epitome of evil and Satanic

I however, firmly protest that just because Halloween has a sketchy background does not mean that simply by acknowledging its existence I was included in its sketching going-ons.

That's like saying that because I live in Salem, Mass. I'm a witch-hunting conspiracy theorist.

Originally it is thought to have stemmed from a Celtic Festivus type thing where people would stand around a fire (like a Festivus pole of sorts) dressed up like ghosts and spirits and other costumes in hopes that when the other real spirits showed up they'd be like "aw naw, this place taken already man, lets haunt some other town." Personally, if I was a ghost and saw a bunch of other ghosts standing around a big fire I'd be like "'sup guys" but that's just me I guess.

Now instead if we have a ghost problem we have one man in a robe come to our house and shout things written in an ancient manuscript and sprinkle water on stuff.

But that's not the point.

In the 8th century some Pope decided to make a holiday the day after the Celtic festival (called Samhain, and not Festivus, sadly) that was a day of remembrance for all the saints and martyrs ever, called "All Saints Day." The day before it was henceforth named "All Hallows Eve," (I said henceforth in a sarcastic manner, because I honestly have no idea what the connection between "saints and martyrs" and "hallows" are. I don' even know what a "hallow" is.) and later just "Halloween."

So what I'm saying is that Halloween isn't even like, a big deal. Don't think of it being a day when your kid is trying to ward off spirits so much, and think of it more like a big party before a day of remembrance for all the people who sacrificed their lives in one way or another for the greater good.

If you're still not convinced it's a wholesome activity for little kids to do, let me tell you two things. 1: you're taking away a huge part of your son or daughter's childhood by removing this awesome holiday in which they get to dress up like superheroes and demand candy from strangers. And 2: since you probably don't like this holiday because you're a God fearing person, Christmas was originally called Saturnalia, aka an ancient Roman festival that happened early-mid December to worship the god Saturn and involved everyone exchanging gifts, if you had an indoor growing tree it was decorated and topped with a light (not a star like we do, but a sun), garlands and wreaths were hung on doors and on doorways and such... sound familiar? Yeah. You're just as much a heathen for celebrating Christmas as I am for having a good time on Halloween. This was invented around 250 BC, which is like, 250+ years before Jesus was born. Think about that for awhile.

MJ

Earlier I was listening to the radio when I heard a familiar catchy tune; young Michael Jacksons voice came over the speakers. I heard him and his siblings from the Jackson 5 sing one of their greatest hits, "ABC," and I couldn't help but remember back to when he first died. I was sitting in my best friends mini-van, waiting in the parking lot at Swan Bros Dairy company when his mom got a phone call. I don't remember her reaction, whether or not it was negative or indifferent, but I remember we all just kinda sat there for a few minutes until one of us said "Michael Jackson jokes will never be the same."

Throughout his life, he had be the object of all different kinds of slander, praise, glorification, defamation, and everything in-between. I was young enough when most of it was going on that I didn't care much for it at all; I only knew what others told me. And not that there's anything particularly wrong with secondhand information, but maybe I shouldn't have listened to as much of it as I did. I was absolutely apathetic when I heard that he had passed away, but I knew absolutely nothing about him. At this point in my life I knew maybe two or three of his more famous songs, and thought of him as some creepy pedo with freaky white skin.

Something changed inside when I happened upon a live stream of his children speaking at his funeral. First off, they were like, ten? Courageous kids.

But they weren't just up there to say goodbye. I remember one of them talking extensively on how, despite all the media's attention to what would seem like him being a poor father, he was "the greatest daddy ever." I know it's easy for a kid to say that about their parent, but just hearing that little voice broke something inside of me.

Since then, I've somehow disregarded most of the awful things I've heard about him, and it may just be respect for the deceased, but I've gained a whole lot of respect for the man and what he went through over the span of his whole life. He was, and is, the king of pop. Forever and always. He was immensely influential, sort of like the Beatles, except with catchier music, and created some of the most awesome dances ever, like MC Hammer, except without the parachute pants. He wore a fedora and pinstripe suits. He wrote a song about zombies. Truth be told, he sounds like the coolest man ever.

Rest in peace MJ. You're an inspiration, and you could walk backwards while seemingly stepping forwards. I applaud you.