I just don't care (about some stuff).

If I ever told anybody that I enjoyed American Idol, it was a straight up lie. I'm sorry.

I don't watch the finals. I don't watch the auditions. I don't find it very entertaining to see a bunch of punk kids cover classic songs, nor do I take pleasure in idolizing our musicians. I think it's a silly show. So there you have it.

I will not now, nor ever, give you input on who I think should have won, will win, once won, or shouldn't have made it past the first round. There are two reasons for this. Firstly, I don't know any of the participants. Secondly, because if you're the kind of person who would ask me to discuss these things, you probably also want to talk to me about Snooki's baby.

I don't care about Snooki, and I don't care about her baby. Approximately, there are just under 13 million women pregnant right now. My congratulations to each and every one of them. However, Snooki is an oompa loompa who's famous for being trashy and drunk. My sincere condolences for the future of that child, because we all know it's destined to be a Guido, and it will probably never know which of the eighteen possible candidates is actually it's father.

Now that you've probably gotten the hint that I don't care about a lot of stuff, I'd like to take the time to talk about Joseph Kony. Most of you probably know who Kony is because everyone and their dog have shared a video produced by the Invisible Children movement on Facebook. If you haven't seen it already, you can check it out here:


KONY 2012 from INVISIBLE CHILDREN on Vimeo.

It's about thirty minutes long. If you don't want to watch it, I understand. You've got Angry Birds to play, and before you head off to your dead-end desk job you need to stop by a giant corporation and throw your money at them for their nasty coffee and McMuffins.

I don't care about American Idol. I don't care about Jersey Shore. I don't care about McDonalds, Starbucks, or your IPhone.

I care about children. I care about the future. I care about freedom. I don't particularly care for the American government, and I really don't care for it poking it's nose where it doesn't belong. What's happening in Uganda, though, is important. This is bigger than me, and it is bigger than the government, and it's bigger than you. Kony is a terrorist. As an American, that should be a concept you can wrap your head around.

I refuse to tell you that you need to donate all your money to a foundation, and I wont tell you to become an activist just because it's something I and many other people consider important. You don't need any student loans or four year programs to educate yourself though. Watch the video and get connected.

The Halloween Issue

Many people love the Fall season. The leaves are changing, you can wear a scarf without looking like a pretentious hipster, and for me, there's a holiday which is really a huge facade for scaring the crap out of little kids and gorging myself on fun size Butterfingers and Runts. But only the banana Runts. Everyone knows the banana ones are the best.

However, coming from a Christian home my parents never let me go trick or treating as a kid because apparently participating in this holiday was Satan worship and I was going to burn in hell for being a rebellious heathen.

Or something like that.

Pictured: the epitome of evil and Satanic

I however, firmly protest that just because Halloween has a sketchy background does not mean that simply by acknowledging its existence I was included in its sketching going-ons.

That's like saying that because I live in Salem, Mass. I'm a witch-hunting conspiracy theorist.

Originally it is thought to have stemmed from a Celtic Festivus type thing where people would stand around a fire (like a Festivus pole of sorts) dressed up like ghosts and spirits and other costumes in hopes that when the other real spirits showed up they'd be like "aw naw, this place taken already man, lets haunt some other town." Personally, if I was a ghost and saw a bunch of other ghosts standing around a big fire I'd be like "'sup guys" but that's just me I guess.

Now instead if we have a ghost problem we have one man in a robe come to our house and shout things written in an ancient manuscript and sprinkle water on stuff.

But that's not the point.

In the 8th century some Pope decided to make a holiday the day after the Celtic festival (called Samhain, and not Festivus, sadly) that was a day of remembrance for all the saints and martyrs ever, called "All Saints Day." The day before it was henceforth named "All Hallows Eve," (I said henceforth in a sarcastic manner, because I honestly have no idea what the connection between "saints and martyrs" and "hallows" are. I don' even know what a "hallow" is.) and later just "Halloween."

So what I'm saying is that Halloween isn't even like, a big deal. Don't think of it being a day when your kid is trying to ward off spirits so much, and think of it more like a big party before a day of remembrance for all the people who sacrificed their lives in one way or another for the greater good.

If you're still not convinced it's a wholesome activity for little kids to do, let me tell you two things. 1: you're taking away a huge part of your son or daughter's childhood by removing this awesome holiday in which they get to dress up like superheroes and demand candy from strangers. And 2: since you probably don't like this holiday because you're a God fearing person, Christmas was originally called Saturnalia, aka an ancient Roman festival that happened early-mid December to worship the god Saturn and involved everyone exchanging gifts, if you had an indoor growing tree it was decorated and topped with a light (not a star like we do, but a sun), garlands and wreaths were hung on doors and on doorways and such... sound familiar? Yeah. You're just as much a heathen for celebrating Christmas as I am for having a good time on Halloween. This was invented around 250 BC, which is like, 250+ years before Jesus was born. Think about that for awhile.