There's a Joke About Love Bugs I Failed to Make. Oh Well.

So, maybe my imagination is a little more out of control than it should be, but here's how the story goes.

Alright, I'm driving down the highway, right? And I'm doing a good 90. I'm bookin' it. I'm fairly focused on the road, not really paying attention to anything other than weaving in and out of the "oversized loads" and that idiot who doesn't understand staying in the right lane when he isn't going fast enough to pass anybody, when suddenly something catches my eye. Some poor wasp managed to fly his little buggy self right in front of me. Too bad for him, right? It gets worse.

His little insect head managed to slide into the space between the hood of the car and the side. What I see is his silly stingy butt flopping around in the wind as he gets helplessly dragged along for a ride. For as sucky as that must have been, the only thing I could think was "you know, this reminds me a lot of relationships."

He made this face, no doubt.

Yeah, you heard me, that's what I said.

Let me break it down for you.

So you got this girl. She, like most girls, is "crazy, outgoing, funny, awesome, ditsy, and hyper." (Question: how many girls you know would describe themselves like this? Probably like, all of them.) She's just doing what girls do; going a billion miles an hour and not paying attention (lulz). Now before you ladies get mad at me for making fun of your tendency to not always pay attention, let me make fun of guys first in an attempt to cater to your desire for equality in sarcastic stereotype jokes.

Now you have me, the guy. I'm a dumb insect flying across the highway like a retard. (I know a few people who'll enjoy that image too much.) Some Mustang Sally comes cruising down the road and smacks me in my stupid wasp face. Bam, I'm trapped under your hood, arms flailing wildly in the 90 MPH winds, probably dead.

Relationships, right?

The guy'll be just minding his own business, flying around the highway, maybe looking for some sexy windshield to splat on, if that's what he's into, when Miss Ladyface swings along and picks him up. "Cool!" He might think. Cool indeed, dumb bug. But then the trip gets cut short when she hits a bump and you get knocked out of your cozy hood-noose-thing and go plummeting to your sad, sad demise/get decapitated.

Well, that's what happened to the bug anyways.

So there you have it. Cars and insects = relationships.

Musical trolls all up in your endocrine system!

Every decade has its own stereotype for music. In the 60's you had classic rock, 70's was the golden age for rock, 80's were the beginning of electric synth and disco (even though I'm convinced that even people in the 80's didn't like disco all that much), 90's had some of the best rap produced ever (and I say that because it was people actually using their voices, and not auto tune goodness) along with other beginnings of indie pop, and 2000+ was the hip hop/pop scene. Every decade has people who are essentially zealots that worship this era. For instance, you can click on literally any Sugar Ray music video and find a treasure trove of people saying things like (and these are actual quotes):

"Listening to this takes me back to my childhood. Before Lady Gaga. Before shitty music was played repeatedly over the airwaves. Before Jersey Shore, when MTV actually played music. When the most competitive we ever got was over a game of horse in Tony hawk's pro skater. When Nickelodeon played actually funny, enjoyable cartoons. When kids got fresh air and played basketball or baseball in the park for fun, instead of being cramped up in a basement playing cod. Man, I miss the 90's." 

"amen to that hell kids todayare a bunch of lazy tards who think they know real msic" (I really wish this guy would have been kvetching about grammar and spelling, because I love myself some good irony).

"I cried when I watched this video because it reminds me of how much "now" sucks, and how great "then" was."

This one was on Billy Joel's music video for We Didn't Start the Fire:

"1st of March is Justin Bieber's birthday. He's been infecting the whole world. Because of him, the world of rock is going extinct

So on his birthday, we all will go to his "Baby" official video and push the 'dislike' button so that the 'dislike' bar becomes 10 times bigger than the 'like' bar.

If you are a rock fan, join with me and thumbs up me, copy-paste this message to all rock videos. We have six months to unite and fight against this little cockroach."

Sweet Jesus, man, are you starting a religion or something? Look, I'm not a big Bieber fan (because I'm not a 14 year old female, mostly) but I'll admit that he has at least some talent. I can't sing and play guitar at the same time worth crap. Little cockroach? That's harsh man. 

Look, the point is that on some level, every person is a big fat depraved, barbarous fiend and/or troll. Kids in my generation who listen to pop and hip-hop, and those only, are a little more passive aggressive about it, but it still kind of ticks me off when someone just flat out says that they don't listen to old music.

But all that stuff I can stand, because I'm perfect, and I can find aesthetic value in pretty much any of the multiple manifestations of music. If you really want to perk up some ears, though, just tell people you don't like music at all. This isn't a joke, either. I know at least two people who have said this to me. Seriously? What is wrong with you people? There's even science behind the awesomeness of music. I can confidently say that if you don't find any pleasure in listening to music,  there is something psychologically wrong with you. Then again, the two people who have said this to me are the types of guys who are on the robotics team and spend the night at teachers houses because they were working on a project (true story) and who not only still play Runescape, but get so excited about the wildy coming back, along with free enterprise, that they post it as their Facebook status and tell everyone at school (also a true story. And ashamedly, I knew exactly what he was talking about...).

Oh, and while I'm talking about hormones, here's this video that Matt and I made for an Anatomy project. Because hey, who doesn't want to learn about the endocrine system from two high-schoolers with a video camera?

 

Edit 2/20: I just found this on a video of Jump Around by House of Pain. "Ok listen you all kids who were born yesterday and think 2Pac and BIG are gods:You are eminem and 50Cent generation,you are Jersey Shores and Jackass generation,you know nothing,and it's ironic that me,a person who does not cares about rap,knows the whole history of the genre and you pseudo-rappers keep worshipping 2 CRIMINALS who distorted the whole rap purpose.Until you kow exactly who Public Enemy,Big Daddy Kane,Grandmaster Flash,Digable Planets,De La Soul,are,shut up." (and even worse, it was the highest rated comment on the video).

This primarily pissed me off because he says that we, the Eminem generation, don't know anything. I love Eminem. I'm just gonna put that out there. And his song Stan (feat. Dido) has named the greatest rap song ever (by me), reaching no. 1 on the charts in six different countries. It came in 3rd during a survey for the best rap song ever produced by Q magazine. It placed 290 on the Rolling Stones Magazine's list of the top 500 songs ever made. Here, let me say that again. The Rolling Stones Magazine (yes, the famous one) declared this song to be in the top 300 songs ever made in the history of everything ever made ever. Do you know how many songs have been made? The answer is higher than I can count. My best guess about this guys problem is that he's not black. Racists. Haha.

*due to formatting issues, one of the quotes (the one about Justin Bieber killing music) was cut off. It's fixed now, and what I say after it makes way more sense now. Haha.